Back In The Good Old Dayz.

The Journey To Great.

The Wherewithal Of A Legend.

Laugh Out Loud.

The Battle For Coca-Cola

The Battle For Coca-Cola
Rages On.

Ain't Nothing Like
The Real Thing, Maybe.

Last Blast Of Cool.

The Death Of Advertising.

Working Twice As Hard

I Don't Mean To Say
I Told You So, But...

Global Cooling

It Is Futile to Resist,

Are Consumers Smarter
Then We Are?.

The Four Great Myths
Of Global Branding.

Mr Bevis Butts Heads
with Mitsubishi

Agility In The Marketplace

Mitsu Who?

The Best Laid Plans
Of Mice And Men.

The Future As I See It.

 

 

 

Agility In The Marketplace. And so it is that we slowly grind our way towards the close of another year. This is the time that I usually take stock of what I've learned, who I've met and where I've been that made the year worth living.

I must admit that the events of the year have been an education in and of themselves. The Election certainly pulled our chain to the vast differences in our cultural landscape and our perceptions of America's values.

 


VOLUME
SEVENTEEN
WEDNESDAY
DECEMBER 15,
2004

The other aspect of this year's educational process has been the global erosion of Americas' goodwill abroad and the resultant impact on our so-called global branding practices.

Scary stuff to those of us who are adverse to risk and concerned with change. But critical input to anyone charged with creating or driving demand creation activities.

For me, this year changes everything. All of my assumptions on a local as well as global basis are now in flux.

How do you know so much about so many things?-Gladys L.. Pittsburgh

Google.-HW

I see your posts on Adrants and I read your column sometimes. When do you ever get time to do any real advertising? that is for anybody other than your self? Jack, R. Duluth, MN

I am my favorite client, but I never pay my bill and I may have to resign my account-HW

As far as 2005 is concerned, all bets are off. We will be learning as we go.

In some ways these can be thought of as exciting times. Those of us who thrive on change, turn on dimes and adapt in milliseconds are now in our element. Those of us who are set in our ways, devotees of the tried and true, players by the book are now null and void. Change Management, that's the new world order.

One of my current clients is a major player in enterprise level business process engineering. They didn't know that before we started working together. They thought they were in the IT Infrastructure business. They thought the CTO was their customer. They thought speeds and feeds were their competitive edge. Wrong. Business agility. That's what will ring their cash register.

"When an enterprise is slow to respond to change, or fails to perceive weaknesses exposed by changing dynamics in the marketplace, it is referred to as a strategic failure." That's how biz consultants Booze, Allen, Hamilton put it back in September of 2000. Today the landscape is littered with the corpses and burned out shells of those businesses that were then considered "strategic failures," even while some posed as the darlings of Wall Street.

E-Hobbies, Enron, WorldCom, Southern Pacific"gone. Did their marketing people have a clue that the writing was on the wall? Probably. Did anybody listen their warnings? Probably not. It's difficult to see change before it happens. It's even more difficult to see change while it happens. But strangely enough for some firms, it's impossible to see change after it happens. That's because to many people within the command structure have spent too much time denying that change was even an issue, so how can it already have happened.

Demand forecasting, change management, futurism; all of these disciplines rely on a device called the cone of probability. The purpose of this devise is to aid in planning events based upon the known, the probable and the unknown. The premise being that if we attempt to surmise the unknowns, prepare for the probables and assess the knowns we will be more agile in dealing with all of them.

Strange how such thinking never quite makes it into the creative process in advertising.

Conventional agency thinking has it that the targeted consumer is standing right over there. Go out, build yourself a gun, machine yourself a few rounds, fire a few test shots, now draw a bead squeeze the trigger and hit her right between the eyes six months later. She'll hang out on that street corner waiting for you to get your act together. Ridiculous.

Far better to say, our consumer goes here, here and here during her shopping day. Tag her with this GPS device to make sure she sticks with the program. Forget the gun, forget the bullets. Use your finger. Sneak up behind her and stick it in her ribs. Get the purse and let her go. Now you've got her address, drivers license with her picture, credit card with her data and you know what brand of lipstick she uses. That's agility in the marketplace.

Be Careful What You Wish For. I have a friend that's been out of work or the past two years. I could count on hearing from him at least once a week to bring me up to date on how useless, worthless and unsatisfying his life was since he left his job at J. Walter Thompson as a Creative Director.

No more all hands panic drills. No more boring lunches with photographers reps. No more three week production junkets to the coast. No more hottie of the month casting sessions.

Just the endless monotony of sending out resumes, trying to get headhunters to return your calls, calling your friends for any and all job leads.

This buddy of mine could never quite figure out why "networking"? didn't apply to the unemployed. He could never understand why his "friends" at more than a dozen agencies were never around to get his calls or crossed the street when they saw him coming or going to an interview.

It also escaped him why none of the production companies to whom he had channeled hundreds of thousands, yea millions of dollars to would respond to his requests for opportunities to direct. At no time did this guy ever deign to consider selling his skills on the freelance market. "I'm an agency guy," he would tell me when I would attempt to send work his way.

Then around month 8 on the outside he began to drop hints on his willingness to entertain the occasional freelance opportunity. With the caveat that it must include a network television component. Dude was sho' nuf' trippin'.

Then, after having to sell the house in Darian and forgo the vacation in Nevis for two years running, my friend lucked up on a job at McCann.

Now I still hear from him on the average of once a week. And invariably, the context of the call is a song of woe. But now it's a bitchfest about the account management team or the Neanderthal client organization.

My mother used to call it "Crying with a loaf of bread under each arm."

Perhaps, my friend is just a chronic malcontent. Perhaps he's just one more "baby" in the meat grinder that is the ad business. But, bottom line, we are only as good as the positive attitudes we bring to the table. So for me, when I here somebody bitch about life on the job, I just want to open their office window and shove them and their bummer attitude into the ozone, then holler "Next" as they go down to meet the sidewalk.

Why Ask Why? I had to recruit a copywriter to work on one of my client's projects. In the ad I requested the candidate tell me why they would be the right person for the job. This was one of the responses. They didn't get the job but they sure did crack me up:

Why is it when I play a blank tape at full blast the mime next door goes nuts.
Why is it when I go for a walk and my kids asked me how long I've be gone, I tell them"The whole time."
Why do we know the speed of light but not the speed of dark?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Why don't people realize that Disney World a people trap run by a mouse?
Why does the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why, if light travels faster than sound, do some people appear intelligent until you hear them speak?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" when they already know you don't have any?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?
Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not adore?
Why is it that if you tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, he'll believe you. But if you tell him a bench has wet paint, he has to touch it.
Why is it, if Superman could stop bullets with his chest, he always ducks when someone throws a gun at him?
Why does lemon juice contain "artificial ingredients" but dishwashing liquid contain "real lemons"?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why isn't boneless chicken considered an invertebrate?
Why is it, that if you go to a bookstore and ask the salesperson, "Where's the self-help section?" they will say if they tell you, it would defeat the purpose.
Why don't they tell you that the best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut?
Why am I perfect for this job? Because I'm out of work.

So if you ever wondered what to do to kill time ( and boredom) between jobs, now you know.

Turning Japanese. And so the saga begins. Last week we went out and rented,begged and borrowed 12 Mitsubishi Eclipses. What were the Screenwriters, Directors, Producers, SFX Gurus and Cinematographers that make up that Ad Hoc ad group we call "DoubleThink" looking for? A reason to fall in love. Any reason. A paint color. A seat cushion. The tone of the horn.

Something, anything that gave us a personal connection with a couple thousand lbs. of glass, rubber, sheet metal and plastic. Anything.

We hired 20 cute girls from USC and UCLA and sent them out to the LA Car Washes. We asked them to intercept Mitsubishi Owners and quiz them about the one thing they loved about their car.

Five of the braver members of our band went to three Mitsu dealers and just hung out in the Service Departments evesdropping on customer conversations in the waiting rooms.

In other words we went everywhere and did everything that any self-respecting agency team would do to find an edge. Something to build on
After a week of this nonsense, we came to our senses. There is nothing that a traditional ad agency would do that would yield the first clue
about how to bring Mitsubishi back to life.

How did we know the nameplate was dead? Nobody we talked to loved their car. Nobody we listened to had anything great to say about their dealership. We were in showrooms on a Saturday and the salesmen would have made more money in a crap game then they could on the floor.

I asked five salesmen to tell me about the new 2005 Eclipse. Five salesmen were only interested in convincing me about the great deal they could make me on a 2004 Eclipse. "DoubleThink" really has its work cut out for us. One thing that's great about working with people that don't make ads for a living is that they have no idea, exactly how much trouble they're in when they bring back all this bad news. And far be it from me to wake them up.

Because the one ray of light that did come shining through last week, got us all jazzed. The owner of a beautifully polished black rice-rocket with electric-blue rocker panel lights told one of the guys. "I live for my car. If I'm not behind the wheel, I'm dead inside" This wasn't love.This was something more. Something much, much more.

Stay Tuned.

 

MARKETERS FROM
THE FOLLOWING COMPANIES
READ MADISON AVENEW:

OGILVY & MATHER
MULLEN ADVERTISING
THE MARTIN AGENCY
TBWA CHAIT/DAY
GSD&M
YOUNG&RUBICAM
McCANN-ERICKSON
LEO BURNETT USA
PUBLICIS
FOOTE,CONE,BELDING
GREY ADVERTISING
HILL, HOLIDAY
LANDOR ASSOCIATES
MODEM MEDIA
BUMBLE WARD & ASSOCIATES
WPP GROUP
DAVID & GOLIATH
LOWE LINTAS
BRODEUR PORTER NOVELLI
INTERPUBLIC GROUP OF COS
SULLIVAN, HIGDON & SINK

NOBLE & ASSOCIATES
BBDO NY

SAATCHI AND SAATCH
FLEISHMAN HILLIARD
LTC/GSD&M
WONG DOODY

HAL RINEY & PARTNERS
DEUTSCH, INC.
DDB NEEDHAM
CIMARRON GROUP
CAMPBELL EWALD
ZENTROPHY
HILL & KNOWLTON
US WEB

J. WALTER THOMPSON USA
JAGER DI PAOLA KEMP
TRUE NORTH COMMUNICATIONS
CHICAGO CREATIVE PARTNERSHIP
D'ARCY MASIUS BENTON & BOWLES

ADRANTS
NEW YORK TIMES
CHICAGO TRIBUNE
NEW YORK OBSERVER
BRANDWEEK
ADWEEK
LAS VEGAS REVIEW JOURNAL
DOW JONES
LEXIS-NEXIS
COX NEWSPAPERS
PUBLIC INTEREST NETWORK
MONSTER WORLDWIDE
HOUGHTON MIFFIN COMPANY
REUTERS INFORMATION
CMP PUBLICATIONS, INC.
HARPER COLLINS PUBLISHERS
MERIDITH CORPORATION
THE MCGRAW-HILL COMPANIES
THE PROVIDENCE JOURNAL
LOS ANGELES TIMES

BANK OF AMERICA
NATIONSBANK
THE PRINCIPAL FINANCIAL GROUP
INDYMAC BANCORP
GUARDIAN LIFE INSURANCE
KMPG/PEAT MARWICK
DEAN WITTER
VERISIGN

INVESTORS BANK & TRUST
AUTOMATIC DATA PROCESSING
MUTUAL LIFE OF CANADA
MUTUAL OF OMAHA
RELIASTAR FINANCIAL
CENTRAL LIFE INSURANCE
FARMERS INSURANCE GROUP
CHARLES SCHWAB & CO.,INC.

GENERAL MOTORS
MERCEDES-B ENZ OF N.A.

FORD MOTOR CO
MITSUBISHI MOTOR SALES OF AMERICA
NISSAN NORTH AMERICA
CHRYSLER MOTORS CORP


MICROSOFT CORP
SUN MICROSYSTEMS
CISCO SYSTEMS
IBM CORPORATION
PULITZER TECHNOLOGIES
DIEBOLD
HUGHES NETWORK SYSTEMS
NEW DREAM NETWORK
EQUINIX, INC.

ESTEE LAUDER COMPANIES
THE LIMITED, INC.
TIFFANY CO.

BOEING
AMACO CORPORATION

20TH CENTURY FOX
DIRECTV
VISABLE WORLD, INC.
VIACOM INTERNATIONAL
UNIVERSAL STUDIOS
DISNEY WORLDWIDE SERVICES,
INTERNATIONAL CREATIVE MANAGEMENT
CAA
HOLLYWOOD GOWER CENTERH
SCREENVISION
EMERILS HOMEBASE
BARNES & NOBLE.
FANDANGO
ELECTRIC LIGHTWAVE
TICKETMASTER
PUBLIC BROADCASTING CO.
CLEAR CHANNEL WORLDWIDE
ESPN

ALLTEL CORP
EARTHLINK, INC
ALLTEL INFORMATION SERVICES
TIME WARNER TELECOM
XO COMMUNICATIONS
ALLEGIANCE TELECOM
INTERNET ALLEGIANCE, INC.
UUNET TECHNOLOGIES
VERIZON
COMCAST CABLE COMMUNICATIONS HOLDINGS
GLOBAL CROSSINGS
ITC DELTACOM
GTE GOVT. SYSTEMS CORP
VERIZON WIRELESS
T-MOBILE USA
ROGERS MEDIA, INC.
UUNET SOUTH AFRICA



UNITED SPACE ALLIANCE
NASA
PORT AUTHORITY OF NY NJ
UNITED NATIONS DEVELOPMENT PROGRAMME

DELTA AIR LINES
S.C. JOHNSON WAX
MERCK & CO.
KAISER PERMIANENTE
CANADIAN MENTAL HEALTH ASSN
STARBUCKS COFFEE CO
THE PROCTER AND GAMBLE
COMPANY
SCHERING-PLOUGH CORP.
DR PEPPER/SEVEN UP
RCN CORPORATION
HOTJOBS.COM
PFIZER
IKEA NA SERVICES
TISHMAN SPEYER PROPERTIES
HEINZ SERVICE COMPANY
RIVES CARLBERG, INC
KINKOS, INC
McKINSEY & COMPANY, 1NC.

And You.

     
       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE FINE PRINT

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