Had Plutarch Toiled Amongst The Young & Ruthless.

As those who offer friends and newcomers a map of the New York City Subway System with added notes in the margins, to the effect that regions beyond Madison and 79th Street are dangerous and barren of civility and only danger can be found there, I might say as well regarding those records available of lives from a past of Madison Avenue which is more distant than reliable history: only fiction and legends can be found there.

VOLUME
FORTY-THREE
WEDNESDAY
JUNE 29, 2005

Perhaps the purifying process of reason may reduce the following legends into an exact history. However, should you be offend because I refuse to be reduced to anything like probable fact, I hope that more candid readers will indulge these stories of an ancient and heroic time in the spirit in which they are rendered. Irreverence.

You have gotten so lazy. You used to give your readers two or three articals each week. Now your list of readers is longer than what there is to read. You can't be that busy. Ted S. Memphis

Wordcount? You're looking for word count? Most people can't wait for me to shut up.-HW

Steverius, the ruler of Young & Rubicam, wanted a successor to be heir to his domain after his departure to Hollywood.

He went to the oracle named Judy to ask advice on this matter. The statement of the oracle seemed to indicate that Steverius should refrain from all inquiries with prospects outside of Y&R. But the words of the headhunter were ambiguous. For an interpretation, Steverius traveled to White Plains to consult Daniel Pittheus, a man with a reputation for wisdom.

Mr. Pittheus, who understood the meaning of all things devious , deceived Steverius and persuaded him to have lunch with Angie, who was Mr. Pittheus' daughter and knew every body worth knowing in New York. After lunch, Steverius, in case the woman might be duplicitous, put a set of magic markers and a pair of Nettletons under a large rock and told Angie that if she could think of someone who could lift that rock, the magic markers and a pair of Nettletons would be for them.

Once this person had taken possession of the magic markers and a pair of Nettletons, Angie was to send him to his benefactor at 285 Madison Avenue. Steverius commanded Angie to keep all of this a secret from everyone.

The reason for the secrecy was that Steverius was concerned that the fifty Art Directors at Young & Rubicam might find out about Angie's job candidate. Writers and Art Directors were always mutinying against management's authority and would sabotage anyone, such as an pre- selected heir, that might stand between them and supreme power in the Creative Departments after Steverius announced his departure for Hollywood. And upon the success of his campaigns for "Rosemary's Baby" and "Alien," and the introduction of a rival for his power, so Steverius did. Even so, Angie came up with a fine candidate, who was named Alexseus.

Mr. Pittheus claimed that his daughter's candidate was just a summer intern who he raised and taught in his own house at the Hamptons. Alexeus grew up to be a very strong man, with unusual courage and intelligence. A Titan among men.

When the right time came, Angie took Alexseus to the rock and told him who his true benefactor was, even though he had already left for the fame and fortune of another world. Alexseus easily lifted the rock and took the magic markers and the pair of Nettleton Wing Tips that Steverius had left there. Then, instead of taking the safe and easy way to the Sixth Floor of Young & Rubicam, which had been offered and advised as Account Management, Alexseus decided to take the risk of working his way up through the treacherous Creative Department.

At that time, many formidable adversaries infested the road from the Creative Department to the Sixth Floor. That age produced men who had strength, speed, and stamina and creativity, but used these gifts of nature carelessly. Insolent and at times arrogant, they enjoyed and took pride in committing all sorts of outrages on anyone and anything that came under their power. They believed that the strong had no reason to respect others, and that justice and humanity were only wishful thinking on the part of those who were too squeamish or too feeble to cause pain.

Dragottis, while he had been traveling in this world, had encountered many of these suspicious men. Those who were afraid to confront Dragottis kept out of sight, and eventually the territory of the creative department was so peaceful and well-tamed that Dragottis ran out of creative challenges to overcome there, and went to the Halcyon fields of Wells, Riches and Greene Pastures, eventually following Steverius unto Hollywood. But once Dragottis was gone from halls of the young and ruthless, conflict broke out again, because there was no one that dared to resist the creative cartel.

Mr. Pittheus had warned Alexseus about all of the intrigues and politics that awaited him in the cork-floored corridors of 285 Madison, but Alexseus thought it would be disgraceful to take the easy and safe way to the Sixth Floor Corner Office, instead of boldly meeting those who would challenge his right to power.

The example of his contemporaries on the field of Titans had fired up his courage.

Also, Alexseus was ashamed to bring his benefactor's Nettletons back without baptizing them in the butt waste of his challengers, showing by his own noble deeds the noble right to rule that was his alone. Disregarding all the arguments of his confidants and career counselors, Alexseus set out, like Hercules, intending to do no injury to anyone, but resolved to defend himself and to punish any aggressors he might meet.

The first opponent that Alexseus encountered was a philosopher named Giraldiates, also known as the "Sage of SVA". Alexseus killed his chances in a fair fight, and from then on he used Giraldiates' club of young supporters as his own weapon.

Hercules carried a lion-skin on his shoulders as proof of what a huge beast he had conquered, and Alexseus used the many worshippers of Giraldiates in the same way. What he had overcome was now, in his own hands, invincible.

Continuing on through the area know as "High Chair Row" ( due to the immature, yet demanding egos ensconced there), Alexseus found Purdius, who was called the Pine-Bender because this was his manner of executing his hard won assignments. Alexseus put Purdius to work feeding the Eastern giant of Airlines. Alexeus showed Purdius how to succeed without bending the pines down by any artificial means, thus demonstrating that delegated power is above all art.

Many of the past heroes of Y&R had grown very old, very ugly, and very fierce in the protection of their respective territories. When Alexseus came to their territories, he did not pass on but waited until he found their weaknesses and dispatched them. It was his opinion that a brave man should lead the hunt for useless beasts, and replace them with youthful genius. Like Hercules, Alexseus justly compelled his enemies to suffer the same torments that their enemies had suffered.

When Alexseus arrived in power, he found an agency in chaos, and divided into factions. Neygeus had succeeded Stevarius. The Y&R household was in an uproar, due to the presence of Medea Oliver who had fled from Jack Tinker and come to Y&R, promising to use her sorcery to produce a wealth of new business.

Neygeus did not know who Alexseus was, but Medea Oliver understood that Alexseus would mean the end of her influence. She failed to persuaded the wise and worldly Neygeus to give Alexseus a cup of poison at a banquet given to welcome this hero to the position of Creative Director of the newly reorganized Y&RNY.

Alexseus preferred to let Neygeus discover by himself that he had been born to lead , so when the cigars were passed around the table, Alexseus casually put his feet up, revealing the sacred Netteltons. Neygeus instantly recognized the shoes as a symbol of his recently departed ( and some say vanquished) rival Stevarius. Alexseus poured out the cup of poison into Medea Oliver's claret and toasted her farewell.

After questioning his new ally , Emperor Neygeus called an assembly of the agency management and presented Alexseus to them. All in assembly knew Alexseus was now in line as the heir to the kingdom.

News of the adventures of Alexseus along the road to the Sixth Floor had preceded him, and the people were pleased to have such a man as their prince. Certain factions now saw the end of all their hopes, and they openly revolted against Alexseus. One group of them advanced directly, and another group hid in ambush. Alexseus found the ambushers and dispatched them all, and when the others heard the news, they scattered for safety.

Now that he had secured his position, Alexseus did not choose to live lazily at home. He went into a Creative Marathon, where a large client was terrorizing the inhabitants of the agency. A Client whom Stevarius and Dragottis had both faced and emerged victorious in their prime.

Alexseus enlisted the help of Holtzmanicus and He Who Waites to do battle with the Eastern giant of Airlines. These two ventured to the island of Miami, where they began to study at the court of the Eastern giant of Airlines. They ventured forth from there in search of someone to help them with a monster they encountered in the Labyrinth that supported the Eastern giant of Airlines . Eventually, the hero Alexseus joined them in their attempt to charm the half man, half bully Minotaur Frankus Bormanicus who dominated the twisted Labyrinth that supported the Eastern giant of Airlines.

Alexseus suggested that Holtzmanicus and He Who Waites enlist the genius of Daedalus to help them. Daedalus gave them a flaxen thread of an idea for Alexseus to tie to the door of the Labyrinth as he entered, and by which he could find his way out after charming the half man half bully, hall Minotaur, Frankus Bormanicus.

And so it was that Alexseus, Holtzmanicus and He Who Waites inspired by the genius of Daedalus who built wings for himself and them all, fashioned with feathers held together with wax to save the Eastern giant of Airlines. With these magic words and images did they soothe the savage beast.

"Come. We will be your wings.
We will set you free. Free beyond the heights of man.
Free to chase the sun. Free to hug a cloud.
And though you were born on earth. To live on earth.
You will be at home, here in the sky. The comfort and
ease you own on earth, you will have up here.
And Eastern will make it so.
It shall be a most natural thing. For you. To fly.
EASTERN. The Wings of Man."

Aristotle tells us that Alexseus was the first ruler to form a democracy voluntarily. To find out the future of his new political enterprise, Alexseus traveled to consult the oracle at Delphi, and the oracle gave the following answer: "Many are the agencies which will end by and be spun out of your own.

Therefore do not despair; the float will cross the violent ocean.

To enlarge his Young & Rubicam, Alexseus invited foreigners to come and live there, enjoying the same civil rights as the native. To preserve order, he divided all of the workers into three distinct classes, each with different duties and privileges. These three classes were the nobles, the farmers, and the craftsmen.

The nobles were in charge of the showcase accounts like Dr Pepper and Union Carbide. The farmers had more wealth to care for and tilled the fields of Proctor and Gamble and General Foods, The craftsmen wandered between various groups of nobles and farmers, content to do their bidding.

The craftsmen were more numerous, and the nobles had more prestige, so there was a sort of balance of power among the various classes in the ancient world that was once the heroic Y&RNY. Will Y&R ever be thus heroic again?

.

Stay tuned.