The
Battle For Coca-Cola
Rages
On.
Ain't
Nothing Like
The Real Thing, Maybe.
I
Don't Mean To Say
I Told You So, But...
Are
Consumers Smarter
Then We Are?.
The
Four Great Myths
Of Global Branding.
Mr
Bevis Butts Heads
At Mitsubishi
The
Best Laid Plans
Of Mice And Men.
Dare
to Be Great:
The Mad Genius of "The Matrix"
Mitsubishi's
New Marketing Boss
Out
Of The Frying Pan.
Concept Is Stronger Than Fact.
Value
Perception In A World
Gone Mad With "Cool"
The
Future of Advertising
The
Brand
The
Future of Advertising
The
Targets
The
Future of Advertising
The
Grid
The
Future of Advertising
The
Swarm
Technology
Making
The Message Meaningful
The Only Business That Matters Is The One You're In.
THEFUTURE OF
THE
SECRET
TO OUR SUCCESS.
The
truth is MadisonAveNew.com
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424,867 Empty Suits. Have you ever wondered exactly what would happen if everybody you know in advertising suddenly decided to take a walk. You know, leave the room. Eh, disappear. What would that be like exactly? No more Lee Clow or Donnie Deutsch. "Sorry. Mr. Clow and Mr. Deutsch are no longer in." |
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Actually, it would be more like. "This is a recording. Mr. Clow and Mr. Deutsch are no longer in. Also missing are Mr. Goodby, Mr. Fallon, Mr. Bogusky, Mr. Robertson, Mr. Nadal, Mr. Kirshenbaum..." You get the picture. Not only would the marquee names be missing but so would the folks who pick up the phones for the marquee names be missing. |
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Enough of the doom and gloom, already. Will you lighten up? D.R. London Your right. Me bad. See this week's column. Fun, fun, fun.-HW |
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And pick up the mail for the marquee folks. And don't forget the laundry. What if the Art Directors didn't get in by 11am? Or 12 noon? Or back from lunch by 3pm, or 4pm? What if the web gals didn't work until 2am? What if nobody worked until 2am? Because nobody was left to work in advertising any more. The messenger services could busy themselves delivering, oh...Pizza. The production companies could do...oh...Reality Shows...But wait...there wouldn't be any Reality Shows. Because there wouldn't be any network television...Or would there? "Would the the 30 million folks who voted on last weeks "American Idol" please put one dollar in the FoxTV Pay Pal account to find out who went on and who went home, Seacrest out!" Oh, I think Network TV would weather the storm. Well what about all of those out of work TV commercial actors? Are there that many openings for waiters in Hollywood...or Beverly Hills...or Reseda? How about Ft. Wayne...or Cleveland...or Altoona, PA? What if all 424, 876 of us who work in advertising according to the Department of Labor simply didn't show up for work? Would anyone miss us but our mortgage companies? And our hair stylists? And our tailors at Brioni, or salesclerks at the Gap? I know the kids at Starbucks would notice the lines were a lot shorter. But what about the analysts at Merrill Lynch? The shares of the world's largest agency company in revenue, the Omnicom Group, were down13.8 percent from their five-year peak a few weeks back. Maybe not. Staples would be hard hit, I'm sure. We push a forest full of bond paper through advertising agencies every day. A copper mine full of paperclips. Let's see. Who else would be effected by the fact we were no longer...available? Nat Ives at the New York Times? Nat would be pissed. "Nobody told me. What's up with that?" And Adweek. Can you see the headlines? "Advertising: Where is it going? Where has it gone? Imagine walking through 285 Madison Avenue, or 35 West Wacker Drive, or 5353 Grosvenor Blvd...and hearing nothing but the phones ringing. Over and over and over again. What could have happened to make all these people, none of whom look like Elvis, leave their respective buildings? What will become of the Clios? Or the One Show? Or Heaven forbid...Cannes? Oh...the humanity! Dare we even search for clues? Did the disappearance of agencies like N.W. Ayer; Bates; Bozell; D'Arcy Masius Benton & Bowles; Earle Palmer Brown; Lintas; Warwick Baker O'Neill hold some hidden significance? Probably not. Digital video recorders, iPods, satellite radio? Ad evading technology? Naaah? We're too smart to let something like that even matter. Ask anybody. No. This is something big. I mean, nobody is answering the phone at J.Walter Thompson, fer Chrissakes. Lauren Rich Fine, an analyst who follows the ad industry for Merrill Lynch, was quoted in the New York Times last month as saying, "I used to think the agencies were capable of double-digit revenue growth each year, but now I look at them as mid-to-high single digits." And now this. I think Ms. Rich Fine has some explaining to do. Naysayer. Wait a minute. Wait just one minute there mister. What's wrong with this picture? 424,867 highly talented individuals cease to exist and not one word of remorse from those who have the most to loose by their sudden disappearance. Their Clients. O.K. Clients have been facing relentless competition and consolidation in categories like automobiles, fast food and telecommunications. They have been ruthless in squeezing every nickel of waste from their advertising budgets. "There's an incredible ability to cling to what's been done because there's a comfort in that," according to Ian B. Rowden, executive vice president and chief marketing officer for the Wendy's brand. "There's a lot of talk but less action, The old model still drives a lot of things." Sounds like motive for mayhem to me. Certainly, no signs of remorse in that guy. After all those really cool gifts from Tiffany's too. Hmmm. I wonder if they're hiring at AOL? Stay tuned.
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